This has been one of the most consistent messages in my life. I have fought and fought to make things work that were just never meant to. Showing a great amount of persistence, sure, but wasting so much good energy and denying myself happiness in the process. There have been people in my life who would praise me banging my head (figuratively, not literally) against a wall. Praising me for really giving things my all and not "giving up". As if realizing that something isn't working, and making changes, is some kind of cop-out or weakness. I know now that this place of understanding and change is exactly where your strength and power is and once you start using it to design your life the way you choose, there is no going back to old patterns. I have come to learn that consistent struggling is not the way we need to experience life. In fact, this is to be avoided at all costs. When something isn't working or doesn't feel right then it probably isn't and it's time to move along. Remaining attached for attachment's sake is unhealthy and will eat away at your inner peace. In years gone past I have experienced FOMO (Fear of missing out) like you wouldn't believe. I could feel distraught about missing out on things I didn't even really want to have, or do. Crazy right.
To me, respect means boundaries. Both setting them for myself and acknowledging other people's. Respect means not overstepping into an area where I am making myself or anyone else feel uncomfortable. It has taken me a very long time to learn the true value of respect and I still trip up on it at times. As a child, I was taught that respect was demanded of you by someone else, usually someone in an authoritative position and that I had no choice but to give it. Respect meant doing what I was told and not questioning it even if it made me uncomfortable, upset or totally went against what I felt comfortable within myself. I realize now that this is not what respect is. No one can demand to overstep your boundaries nor should you expect to trample inside of someone else's.
Ever felt like you are going around in circles and experiencing the same situations repeated in your life? Until you learn the lesson life is trying to teach you, it keeps throwing you the exact same situations over and over again - but in different ways.
Nothing that has ever come easily to me has made a long-lasting impression. It's the things that I have to work at, the risks taken along the way, and the sacrifices I have had to make that let me know I have really succeeded and achieved something great. Often the longer and harder the journey, the greater it feels when you reach that end goal.
An extroverted introvert. Am I one? Are you one? Confused? Me too. Ever made plans with all the enthusiasm in the world only to change your mind the minute you leave the social situation you are in and wish you hadn't? I often get caught up in a moment and agree to things that I actually would rather not do. Then I have to pain myself to find ways to get out of it.
I’ve always needed a lot of time alone. Maybe this comes from being an only child. Maybe it comes from being an introvert. Sharing a home office this year for a few weeks reminded me how much I need my own space. I realised this very quickly and set about creating a space, just for me.