The J Word NZ

Instruction #13

If you are in or have been in a manipulative relationship at some point in your life then this instruction can be a difficult concept to grasp. Past hurts rear their ugly heads when you are triggered by an emotion or a situation, like disagreeing with your partner. Even if your current partner didn’t hurt you, he/she may feel the wrath of your past hurts as they bubble to the surface.

Dealing with only the topic on hand can be hard to do, your monkey mind can easily dredge up the last 15 things that your partner has done to annoy you and these examples can shoot out of your mouth at pace. Naturally, this will get your partner on the defence. It’s a slippery downward slope from here.

Good communication is not something we are born with. We are taught how to communicate by our parents, family, teachers and friends. If we grow up in a family of people who are not good communicators we will learn and practice this style ourselves. Stuck in a perpetual cycle of being unable to assert ourselves properly, speak our own truth or listen to other people actively and with empathy.

Over the past few years, I have spent a lot of time reading and watching videos on communication and the result has been fantastic. The way we communicate means the difference between a happy life and a not so happy one. It is very hard to feel good if your needs are not being met and it’s hard to have your needs met if you are not able to discuss them openly with the people who are close to you.

Communication is a superpower and a life changer. We can all improve at communication and there are ample ways to learn more about it.

When did you last work on growing your communication style?


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