The J Word NZ

Instruction #4

Instruction #4

This has been one of the most consistent messages in my life. I have fought and fought to make things work that were just never meant to. Showing a great amount of persistence, sure, but wasting so much good energy and denying myself happiness in the process. There have been people in my life who would praise me banging my head (figuratively, not literally) against a wall. Praising me for really giving things my all and not “giving up”. As if realizing that something isn’t working, and making changes, is some kind of cop-out or weakness. I know now that this place of understanding and change is exactly where your strength and power is and once you start using it to design your life the way you choose, there is no going back to old patterns.

I have come to learn that consistent struggling is not the way we need to experience life. In fact, this is to be avoided at all costs. When something isn’t working or doesn’t feel right then it probably isn’t and it’s time to move along. Remaining attached for attachment’s sake is unhealthy and will eat away at your inner peace. In years gone past I have experienced FOMO (Fear of missing out) like you wouldn’t believe. I could feel distraught about missing out on things I didn’t even really want to have, or do. Crazy right.

The amount of stress I have drawn into my body over things that are totally out of my control is huge. Feeling the need on a subconscious level to control situations, surroundings and interactions to keep myself safe. I know now that this desire comes from my life’s traumatic experiences. I have been labelled a control freak, overly assertive, opinionated, and more…

I once felt embarrassed by these labels but now I realise that this is how my brain has learned to cope with the sum of my life experiences. This way of being is not a choice I made one day, for fun, this is the way my body has been conditioned. My body has taken action by becoming highly aware of perceived threats and harmful situations. How amazing is it that your body can go to work setting up safety measures without even requiring your awareness?

Control, however, is an illusion and when we can learn to flow with the tides, rather than swimming against them, we can remain calm, take in the view and maybe even enjoy ourselves. The funny thing is that when you “give up control”, you almost always have a better experience. You also avoid a ton of heartbreak and disappointment.

After a lot of work on myself I have been able to retrain my mind to react to situations in a different way. When I am not getting what “I think” I want, I feel acceptance, instead of frustration. Acceptance that whatever it is, it wasn’t meant to be, and that something better is right around the corner. This has always proved true.

So remember, sometimes you don’t get what you want and it’s for good reason. Hell, sometimes I don’t even know what I want! I usually know what I don’t want though so that’s a good place to start. ALWAYS take everything you don’t want, open the door and throw it out. Take a look around, see what’s left and work with that.

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