I am feeling a bit disturbed about the conflict and divide happening between friends and family at the moment, especially on Social Media, it's mayhem. I woke this morning to see a post saying, "if you agree with this government decision, unfriend me", it made me feel very sad. For me, confusion reigns around the whole situation. I am fully immunised, and so is my daughter. The decision to participate in the latest release has not been an easy one. I am still flip-flopping around but am currently booked in for Thursday this week at my Dr's surgery.
The reasoning behind my reluctance has been 1) because I developed a severe sickness following the last Hep A shot I had before going to Bali a couple of years ago, 2) not knowing what the long term effects could be, 3) I am scared of needles.
Another thing I have been struggling with is wearing a mask. I have been actively avoiding going anywhere because I don't particularly appreciate putting something over my face. I feel restricted, and I feel like I can't express myself because most of my face is covered up; who knew so much communication happened in that square around your face and nose. Supposedly we communicate with our eyes, but I often find myself smiling at people, and I don't know if they can tell or smile back. It's so odd. It also sees me shallow breathing and catapults my anxiety every time.
I mentioned this (increase in anxiety wearing a mask) the other day, and Chris suggested it might happen because I anticipate a lousy time about going out and wearing one. So I thought I would test it, chucked it on and went to a couple of shops while trying to maintain a positive attitude about my cute little blue mask which my friend made for me. Kind of a mind over matter test. My breathing was still not free and flowing, obviously, but it was less problematic because I went in trying to feel good about it. So that was a win. I guess.
Many people I know are 100% convinced that this is a global plan to take away our freedoms and control the masses or even kill off large sections of the population, microchip us, using aborted foetus as ingredients or thinking spoons will start sticking to them post-treatment. I don't believe this is the case. I don't believe that "the powers that be" would cull the working population; in a world obsessed with money, it doesn't make sense to eradicate the global GDP like that. The fact that others do believe this, doesn't make me feel mad or anything really, each to their own. Do it, don't do it, that's up to you.
The noise on social media is so loud. It disturbs me. The division, the hate, the name-calling, bullying and the pronounced fear that people are feeling pains me. This is a time for understanding and education, not a time for forcing people to choose a side either with or against their loved ones. I can understand how scary it must be for people who are susceptible to this disease and unable to take the action themselves and are relying on the masses to protect them. I also understand the messaging of choice and governing our own bodies, which has been a message drummed into all of us for years.
When people in specific careers, who have spent years training, thousands on uni and decades invested in experience are having their personal choices removed, act or find a new profession, that is a tough pill to swallow. Especially for those who are yet to have their questions answered or are very confident that they are not going to participate. Where to from there? I know there are professions such as early childcare which are sorely under-resourced as it is; I can't imagine the flow-on effect of those who stand their ground and resign. Or how it would feel for employers to take this stand and let their long-serving staff members go.
I have been burying my head in the sand since this very first started in 2019 because I kind of thought it would come and go, and we would all move on; how wrong was I. Now I find myself researching, talking to medical professionals and having long and open discussions with people I trust.
This dialogue opened up for me last week when we were urged to speak with our health professionals if we were still unsure. On this advice, I thought, fair enough, and called my GP. I explained to the receptionist that I would like to speak with my Dr (a wonderful woman whom I respect and love her genuine holistic approach), and I was told, "no, a nurse can help you with that, I will have one call you" I was a little shocked at the response but said OK and hung up. The nurse called and answered my questions; she was lovely, but I still left the conversation feeling unconvinced, so I approached friends who are doctors and nurses and spoke extensively with them.
We spoke about research, the expedition of the creation of this and the potential side effects. We talked about how this has been in creation for a very long time, since SARS, and the manufacture was expedited because the entire world threw its resources and funds into it, which makes sense. Also concerning is the long term side effects which are currently unknown because this is such a new thing. We talked about how the tech and ingredients used have been around for a long time and how it has been fully tested by our medicines and medical devices safety authority.
A lot of my friends and family have obliged already, most somewhat reluctantly and have used terms like "pushed into it, bullied into it, just want to travel, just want to eat out a restaurant, just want to keep my job, just want to go back to normal". An interesting concept at this point. Will we ever go back to "normal" the kind of normal that life was before all of this mayhem? Life before the shit show. This makes me sad. People feel like something has been taken rather than given and it's left a sour taste for many.
This is an extremely strange circumstance that we (the world) have found ourselves in. For the first time ever we have been locking down entire countries in their homes for weeks and months at a time. For the first time, we have mandated medical procedures and a whole world of unhappy people. For the first time, we don't know if international travel will ever fully resume? Will friends and family who have fallen out over differing opinions connect again? So many questions, no answers, because at this point it seems like a mere guessing game.
All I know is that I want to get through this as unscathed as possible. All of this uncertainty is rough on mental health. I want to help support other people and I want some peace and normality to return.
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